HOOTIN + HOLLERING HEADQUARTERS

show up at a hot girl’s house. “i am a robot,” you say. “i am here to suck and fuck and to be sucked and fucked in return.” she’s not happy at first. she yells. you do nothing. finally she calls the police because you will not leave. the police do not believe her. finally she shuts the door on you and you stay. you stay for days. how you survive is a mystery. you are a robot, you say, and you will not leave until your fuck circuits have been capacitated. she grows used to you, leaving for work by the back door. you stand in the rain and in the snow, just waiting. she comes to regard you as a curiosity, and then as a fixture. you sense her resolve weakening. you stand in front of her door and wait unblinking. one day she quietly invites you inside for a drink. you have a vague memory of being sent back in time to kill a future insurrectionist. holy shit. you are the worst Terminator.